There's a lot of goodness happening right now. I found a newly built studio apartment in Fayetteville for cheap. I found a second job. I'm making wonderful money with my first job. I have an opportunity to perform musically at my second job. I have a loving family. I hung out with some "new peers" on Saturday (They know who they are). I have loving friends. I have made new friends. I run about 10 miles a week. I have found a "mentor" of sorts... Even got some flattering words my way.
It's been a while since I've had positive stuff my way. Ironic cuz I use to hear it all the time. I use to hear it from my professors, mentors, pastors, parents, friends, onlookers, etc. One professor even told me that I was Mr. JBU, which implies Posterboy... Leader... Avant-garde... To be honest, I'm not sure that's what I am. At least not right now. And definitely not when that was said to me. One person even told me that I was part of a "new breed of pastors" and asked me to "train more like me"... others ignorantly called me a HERO... Can you believe that? A hero of WHAT? I've conquered nothing. I've done nothing. The Lord redeemed me in 2001, and he poured HIS blessings. That's IT. Anyone close to me knows I was never willing to embrace any of these things too.
All of this is beside the point though... Why? because this is the point: It' been a good 3 months since I've been praised in a similar manner. Not only that, but some of those "friends" and "mentors" have intentionally made their way out of my life. Crazy huh. The same people who were crooning my praise, have in recent time called me a: master manipulator, horrible person, scum of the earth, sociopath, individual unworthy of Christ's love, demon, etc... Pretty hurtful, I think. But like I said, I was never willing to accept the praise, but ironically I have to keep my heart from NOT accepting the shots. God is good though... He's helping me.
Last night, while I was working at my second job, I had my bosses wonderful wife tell me the following in more or less words:
"Son, you are going to be a rockstar here. You have a wonderful people charm and it especially gets to the ladies! Heard a couple of convo's already. I'm sure this isn't anything you've never been told before but I just want you to know that there's already a buzz out here about you. People are talking. You are VERY popular, cute and charming and its only gonna keep growing."
My response, in more or less words, was: "Mam, I'm not here for that. I'm just thankful to have a job."
She replied... "LOVE your answer, but I've seen people display the same humility... It'll get to your head, it happens either way. Don't worry though, the good guys always make it back to earth."
Encouraging... Kinda. But more than anything, refreshingly honest? I'd be a liar if I denied that it made me feel good inside. I mean, It sure beats getting called a demon. Adding to this, the guy training me (who is married to the lady quoted above) has been bartending for 27 years and he offered me this "cheap advice" (as he calls it):
"My son is your age. He played college baseball on scholarship. He was good when things were good. He could pitch 100 strikes in a row and stay generally humble... but when he was down 5-0 in a late inning, you could see it in his eyes, he was fighting the need to crumble. He'd be fighting fear and the need to crack on someone else or even under perform... [Yes, humility when things are good is awesome but]... What good are you if you can't keep the same attitude when s***'s stacked against you? People are watching EVEN MORE then... A persons truest colors come out in situations requiring adversity."
Both of these individuals uplifted me last night. They, and others, said a lot of uplifting things but these are the only ones I'm willing to share-- or CAN share, haha (Sidenote: Got to meet their son too! we exchanged digits). You know, it hurts to have so many mentors, friends and fans turn their backs on you after a fall... but at least it helps clean house. I've started sharing a lot about how I fell with my old friends AND new friends because it helps weed out those who aren't willing to "do life" with ya... and it makes it easier to accept praises and critiques from the people left around you because you KNOW they're more genuine. Ha... And those bolting "mentors", "friends" and "fans" wonder why I won't listen to ANY of the things they've EVER said to me.
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