Oh boy, Nick would love this. He'd be like, "You're being open!". Probably right but nothing to be praised about. I have nothing else left but authenticity. If I dip in trying to spare myself embarassment I'll arrive there eventually. Might as well cut it short. I'm learning perseverance but I suuuuuck at it. I've got good things going but often choose to let one thing, ONE THING, cave my spirits in. It's amazing. It's Also pathetic. Ha, pathetically amazing. I'm hoping NO ONE reads this, kinda. Well, that's partially a lie. I secretly want a certain someone to read this. Wish I didn't feel like that but it's true. There's a place I've gone to express myself before that I want to avoid doing so now... It's all in the effort of authenticity-- which I know little of.
I'm one jealous person. I have no right to be either. But here I am. Listening to Ben Rector... Pondering ways to overachieve and be more appealing to others. Trying to almost WIN favor with people... Funny thing is, various people already see me in a good light so my deal HAS to be something more internal. Found inside. I suck at learning.. He remains faithful as promised though so i have to hold hope. I gotta seek authenticity. I wanna be authentic. I want to be genuine. I want to LIVE like that. Strengthen me, Lord... I seriously doubt ANYONE reads this... But it shouldn't matter either way.
"Give me grace, if you can hear me." - Ben Rector
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