Pretty sure I was happy at some point today. Slowly, happiness just gets SUCKED out. A bump here, a bump there and its back to this feeling of being uncomfortable in my soul. Kinda like I have a pile of dirt in my stomach and every now and then I can taste it in my mouth. Only thing I keep repeating in my mind is Lil' Wayne's encouragement to "keep hustling"... As lame as THAT sounds. But I WILL keep doing just that...
I'm a Retail Banker by day, soon-to-be Bartender by night starting Saturday, Plasma donor on a biweekly basis and furniture mover on weekends. 4 sets of income, all for one purpose: The future.
Can't tell you what that looks like... Can't even describe what it'll entail. All I know is I want a family one day. A wife who loves me for the sinner I am... a gang of ankle biters that remind me of the blessing life is... and the opportunity to "do life" with them. Call it my dream I guess. I hope I can learn to love and take care of such a blessing as I get older. More than anything, I hope I can be an example of a God fearing man to them. Gah, I can't tell why I'm so beat up.
I'm not content. I feel jealousy. Anger. Fear. Anxiety. Inferiority. Bitterness... God TAKE these.
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